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MONDAYS DONT SUCK - YOUR SELF TALK SUCKS

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MONDAYS DONT SUCK - YOUR SELF TALK SUCKS

Blake Cordeiro

ruckus what you say matters

The Way You Speak Matters. I am currently reading TRIBAL LEADERSHIP, by Logan, King, & Fisher-Wright. Though there are a million amazing and fascinating nuggets throughout, the one thing that really has my mind stirring is the idea of LANGUAGE; More specifically, the common language (or lack there of) within “tribes”.

What they talk about is this idea of common language within the different tiers of successful groups, organizations, companies, etc:

EXAMPLE:

Level 5 leaders: “Life is Great” Level 4 leaders: “We are Great (they are not)” Level 3 leaders: “I am Great (you are not)” Level 2 leaders: “My Life Sucks” Level 1 leaders:“Life Sucks”

What I find so fascinating about this is the truth behind it. Although it’s a great theory within businesses and leadership, its an even greater epidemic between our personal tribes; aka: friends and families.

Here is what I am saying, WHAT YOU SAY MATTERS.

Maybe more importantly, WHAT YOU SAY TO YOURSELF AND IMMEDIATE FRIENDS GROUP MATTERS MORE. Not only does it matter – I am personally convinced that your language and your own self-talk could be your number one deterrent in living the life you have always dreamed of.

ruckus how you speak matters
ruckus how you speak matters

Ever think about the tone you have with yourself? You speak to yourself more than anyone in the world. It’s a never-ending commentary on everything, everyone, every situation, and every day of your life. Have you ever paid attention to what you actually sound like in your head?

If you’re like the average person, what you will realize is that it is pretty brutal in there. It’s negative, critical, impatient, unsupportive, and never good enough…ever.  How many out there are reading this shaking your head, YES – realizing you are your own worst critic (puts head down and raises hand in shame). I struggle with this so badly. Most of my inner conversations remind me of my mistakes, disappointments, inadequacies and failures.

Most of our self-talk we would never think of repeating out loud to others. But here is what you don’t realize. People on the outside don’t have to HEAR it to be AFFECTED by it. Because what you tell yourself, if repeated enough times, you will begin to believe it. And once you believe your own self-talk, you are going to begin to outwardly portray that. Thus comes in your Tribal Language. Your inner talk, your inner confidence, your inner beliefs about yourself, your situations, your surroundings begins to come out, and you surround yourself with people who speak that same language. Have you ever noticed how CEOs tend to hang out with other CEOs? While McDonalds employees tend to hang with McDonalds employees?

On the opposite side of that same coin –Our thoughts then, in the exact same context, can also be our most powerful tool for self-confidence.

It’s time to change the way we speak, most importantly to ourselves. Changing your self-talk will dramatically change your mood, your lives, your tribe.

It’s a habit I’ve been messing with for years. Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I am always trying to do some crazy self-discipline exercise, and self-talk has been something that has been really helpful over the years.

Here are some simple keys to getting started:

1) Be intentional with your word. Start by listening to all the things you’re saying to yourself. Listen without Judgment. There Is no pass / fail, there is only progression and laziness. You owe it to yourself to be open. Don’t judge. The objective is to just listen and notice what’s in there. Give it a day or so to just observe and become self-aware. Once you are a bit more self aware, try to the best of your abilities to do the following: Speak only with Integrity. What this means is that don’t say things you will regret, and as often as possible only use your words in the direction of Truth and Love. And not in an asshole boss kind of ‘truth”, what I’m saying here is always tell the truth. I am the worst at exaggerating stories, etc – but that does nothing in the long run besides gives you an overinflated sense of self and weakens your credibility. And for the love of all that is holy – let’s stop talking bad about others as well. As its said: Average people talk about people // Good people talk about Things // Great people talk about Ideas. Lets be great people.

2) Realize this world isn’t all about you.  Donald Miller makes this analogy as if he were talking to God the creator after he died, in what he thought was a crappy life: “Looking at God He said to me I was a tree in a story about a forest, and that it was arrogant of me to believe any differently. And he told me the story of the forest is better than the story of the tree.” Wherever you are in the judgmental thought, stop. Stop the thought. Stop the dialogue.  You can’t take things personally. You can only control what you can control, and it takes a lot of hard work and positive self-talk to affirm that within yourself. On the flip side of that same coin, that means you have to take responsibility for your own actions. You cannot play the victim or live with a crutch. This is YOUR life - No one else’s.

3) Assumptions will kill you. Just like you would reword an email or a drafted note, reword your thought to yourself. Remove the assumptions. Lighten up. Speak to yourself like you do to those you love. If something is confusing, find the courage to ask questions. Communication, CLEAR communication will clear up 99% of all sadness, drama, misinterpretations, and anxiety.

4) Live this life like it’s the premiere, not a practice run. Practice self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, and self-love. Know it takes time to become habitual, but know it will. Little by little, remind yourself that even with all your flaws you are valuable and no less perfect than everyone else. Remember, the idea is not that we must achieve perfection to be enough. The idea is we need to love ourselves as we are and in doing so we will continue to become so much more and better. Your own personal best is going to change daily. It will be different all the time – what cant be different is the way you talk about it. Always try to do your best.

SPEECH – IT MATTERS.

The way to speak needs to be direct, honest, authentic conversations that are free of judgment, criticism, blame, and negativity. Listen to your tribe, listen to the way they talk to each other. Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me – what a load of shit. The way we speak has tremendous implications, to ourselves, AND others.

I challenge you to set the example of appropriate and empowering speech within your own head, household, and tribe.

Josh.
Questions / Comments / Hate / Etc – holler@ruckusapparel.com
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